I recall a recent conversation with a patient. To maintain his privacy, we’ll call him Mr. Smith. I’ve known Mr. Smith for five years. An easy-going, middle-aged man with a pretty unremarkable medical history—which is never a bad thing.
But on this particular day, Mr. Smith wasn’t his usual jovial self. He looked downtrodden. I asked, “What’s plaguing you today?”
First, a sigh. Then he said, “Doc, I’m tired.”
My knee-jerk reaction was to mentally scroll through all the differential diagnoses that fit the description of “tired.” Could he be anemic? Was he not sleeping well? Had he developed some form of cardiopulmonary disease that had stolen his energy?
He continued, “I’m just tired of it all.”
Aha, I thought. This was a very different form of the symptom “tired.” Not the physical kind. Not purely medical. But one that is equally important and potentially even more devastating. Over the years, I’ve learned to recognize this as the death of ambition. The death of passion. The realization that what we have become isn’t what we intended to be.
Suddenly it was clear—he was expressing all of these things at once……
….“I hate my job. I don’t make enough money. It’s affecting my home life… this just isn’t how I expected my life to play out.”
I paused for a moment before responding. I wanted to make sure he felt heard. That’s not an easy thing to share. Then I asked, “How did you expect your life to play out?”
He seemed a little taken aback by the question—certainly not the response he expected.
“Well… ah, I guess I’m not sure. I’ve not really thought about it.”
This is a perfectly acceptable answer. In fact, it’s the answer I usually hear. I’ve come to realize that the reason for this is simple: we often don’t recognize our ability to change. We come to accept fate, no matter how unattractive it’s become.
Mr. Smith isn’t alone. A recent Gallup poll reported that more than half of respondents wanted to change their job. Job satisfaction hovers around 50% for most age groups.
I asked him, “If you could change it, how would you envision your life differently?”
“Well, Doc, don’t get me wrong. My life is pretty good. I don’t have any regrets… I guess I just wish I’d taken that leap when I was younger, started my own business. I guess I was just scared.”
I’ve heard this before. No regrets. Personally, I don’t like that expression. I understand why people use it—it’s a comforting, overplayed cliché. But the truth is, we all have regrets.
I regret not spending more time with my grandparents while they were alive. Regrets are normal. They remind us that we’re human and that we sometimes make mistakes. It’s okay—even noble—to strive for better.
What people really mean when they say, “No regrets,” is, “Would I change the past?” That’s a more complex issue. Our past, even the messy parts, has brought us to where we are today. The knowledge, skills, and relationships we’ve gained—would we really want to lose those?
I asked Mr. Smith to try something simple. I told him to go home and write. Write about the things he’s grateful for and the things he’d like to change. Then, pick one thing to change and create a 30-day goal to do something about it. Anything—no matter how small. Just finish something.
Why start with gratitude? Because it’s a powerful component of mindfulness. It provides perspective.
Have you ever seen a news interview with a homeowner who just lost everything in a natural disaster? Pay attention to what they almost always say: “I’m just grateful we all made it out alive.” And they mean it. In that moment, their lives have been turned upside down, but they’re still grateful—because it could have been worse.
And why start with a small, actionable goal? Because even the smallest action can set off a cascade in our neurochemistry, activating our reward centers and reigniting the spark we’ve been waiting for.
Each small accomplishment builds momentum. Each mountain we climb gives us a better vantage point to take on the next.
It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. Purpose isn’t something we find; it’s something we build. And the first step is simply taking the next one forward.
Disclaimer:
The information provided in this blog is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of content found on this blog.
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